I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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