Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
