Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize