Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
