A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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