i permit you to call me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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