She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize