I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
