I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
