I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize