Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
