I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
