cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
