im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
