I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize