I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
