singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
