She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
