Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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