You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
