My friends, they love my intelligence
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
