Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
this hospital has no fireball
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Someone signed my nipple.
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