Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
