If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
porn star boner night. come get it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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