I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
