Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
