My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sobbing to NWA
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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