we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
