i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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