My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This toilet bowl is my home.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
