Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
