She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
