Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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