I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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