Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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