i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i drank out of a bidet.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
