i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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