its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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