i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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