My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
