oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
