its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
