I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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