I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize