just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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