Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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