You made me cry and you don't even care
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize