your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
