we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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