every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dignity is for republicans.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
