BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
