the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
