a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There's even glitter on my cock...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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