i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
