His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
