i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
