i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize