when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
