Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
