ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
