Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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