Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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