I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
