i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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