I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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