Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
