Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
