what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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