Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
