are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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