Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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