My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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