I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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